Monday, March 17, 2008

Happy Birthday, Maja!

Well, Maja turned 1 year old on Wednesday the 12th. I can't believe it's been a whole year. We had a wonderful party with balloons, cake, and tons of flashy toys. Her brother Tristan was a little (ok, a LOT) jealous and actually had a breakdown by the end of the day. I'll blame some of it on the sheer amount of sugar he ingested. Maja ate a whole piece of vanilla cake with buttercream frosting and strawberry cream filling.

It's funny, today is Monday, March 17th, and I totally forgot that yesterday was a year since I was diagnosed. I was working up to it all week and wondering if anyone would remember. Turns out I forgot about the cancer! Wow. I never thought that would happen.

Cancer has consumed my life completely since I was diagnosed. I was "the girl with cancer" for so long, even when I didn't have it anymore. When you're a baldy everyone knows you're a cancer patient and you can't hide from it so you embrace it. Now my hair is growing back and I don't look sick anymore. And so I forget. I forget about the pity and self-pity and the constant fear. Now I am a mom. Maja is one year old and it's about her. Thank god.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

What Motivates You?

Just came across this blog from a girl who is in remission from Scleroderma and plans to run a marathon next weekend.

Why? Because she can!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Checkin' In

I've been so busy lately!! I haven't had time to keep up the blog since I've been back at work. I feel like my brain is starting to get back to normal, though. I'm spending a lot of time getting back up to speed at work and still be a mommy.

My hair is growing back and I actually used product on it for the first time today (but it didn't do anything). It's dark on top and blond on the sides. Weird.

Not much to say right now...more later!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It's Official: I'm in Remission!!

Just got the mark of approval from the ol' doc. She says I won't need exploratory surgery to check for anymore cancer and the CT scan was clean! Wow. I never thought the word "remission" would make me so emotional.

Now I have bloodwork every 3 months along with girlie checkups and some routine yearly mammograms for the rest of my life. Once I hit the 5 year mark without any sign of cancer (October 16th, 2012) they will consider me CURED. Holy shit.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

10 Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

1. Show my paintings in a gallery.
2. Take my kids to a foreign country to volunteer our time and energy with a program like the World Hands Project.
3. Build and live in a Green house.
4. Start and run my own web design and development business.
5. Run a marathon.
6. Talk to my parents about some things that are tough to talk about.
7. See my kids graduate from college, get married, and have their own children if they choose to do those things. I just don't want to miss the good stuff.

(still working on 8 through 10)

What would you like to accomplish before you die?

Monday, September 24, 2007

I Love My Family

We walked 2 miles at the Whisper Walk on Sunday morning, and I was SO EXHAUSTED! We're standing in front of the poster with names and pictures of people who are being honored or memorialized. If you look close enough you'll see a picture of me right between us. It was very emotional for me to see myself on the poster. I broke down and bawled right there at the race amongst all those people.

I feel like I've been holding in my tears for 6 months and now I can cry. I've been afraid that people think I'm not thankful when they do extraordinary things for me and I don't cry because I'm normally so emotional. I haven't wanted anyone to see me cry during this, so I've tried desperately to control it. I guess I just don't want to have to deal with my feelings. Truth is, I'd do a lot of crying behind closed doors when no one was around.

Now I can't hold it in anymore. It's mostly because I'm so damn happy. I never thought I'd get to the end! It's here. There is some restoration my body has to go through, but that's easy. Now I am free. It's kind of a release that I feel; like I've been holding my breath but now I can breathe and it's nothing but fresh air. Ah, life. It is sweet.

EDIT: Here are some pictures taken from the walk by the KC Star.

The Last Lecture